Sorry

Sorry??

I just can say that...

When I say it...

I mean it

People who say

that it's fake...

Its because that they don't trust me

When you do something

And sorry is the only thing that you can say...

Just say it with a honest heart

Instead of a text message

That has no feelings

With just using your mouth and heart,

And say the word

''Sorry''...

You maybe...

Can be forgiven

Which would you prefer??

A cold...

no feeling

Message...

Or a warm and gentle

''sorry''...

Don't you agree??

Because as each day pass

You're going to hope

that one person

to do something special for you

Right??

Like always being there for you

or hug you

or even just saying sorry face to face

I was wrong for sending message saying 'sorry'

By just saying sorry in person

You could be forgiven

Than just click the button send

And sit there...

Regretting that you didn't say

with your heart

When you had the chance

This world...

Yeah,

Its a world of pain and suffer

Just be patient

And wait

Because one day,

the pain will go away

Unlike mine...

As mine is...

Permanent

Means,

It won't go away...

It will stay forever

*sigh*...

For now,

Fake everything

I'm sorry for causing pain to everyone,

I'm sorry for causing suffer to anyone,

I'm sorry for being so useless and lazy,

I'm sorry for being such a selfish person,

I'm sorry for being such a terrible person,

I'm sorry for everything I've done...

I know

that I shouldn't be in this world

I know I should die

But at least,

Let me enjoy the moments I have now

Let me endure the pain a little longer

I can hold it in

Just a little longer

Just a bit more

Then I'll leave

I cover my face with a mask

A mask that has a fake smile

But,

The sorry that I say to people

It will be true

That will be the only thing

True in my heart...

''Sorry''

Is my magic word

As it can cure any pain right after you say it

Nothing else other than 'sorry'

can make me happier than ever

''Sorry''

Is mine

My favourite

My one and only

special word

I love the word 

''sorry''

And I always will...

So,

I want to say

Sorry

to all the people I hurt...

And this ''sorry''

Is true...

=)

Feelings

Having feelings is...

Difficult

Because

If you like someone

but that someone like another person,

What is the use of liking her??

Instead of liking her,

Let her go...

If you love someone,

Let her go...

I let her go

because she doesn't like me

I tried my best

But nothing changed

I did this

I did that

But,

what did I get??

She liking someone else...

Zzz

Sure...

When you like someone,

your heart feels happy

excited... But problem is,

Does she like you back??

I admit...

I like a senior

But she doesn't like me back...

Actually..

Not one...

But two

But,

I tried my best

I had one

But another one..

I didn't get

I was happy that I got one

Then,

We had a little fight

And didn't talk...

And now...

I don't have 2 seniors that I like

What the hell?!

The lonely feeling is back again

I really really want both of the seniors

But

I failed

No matter what I did

The only thing on my mind...

Are

Those both seniors

And

Death

As long as I live

I hope they happy

Because I said before

My happiness not important as theirs

As long as they happy without me

I'm happy too

So,

I hope you two happy...

I don't want to say out who

But

I know myself good enough

Some things are better kept

As a secret

Than telling it out

and hurting people... 

=(

My Heart??

My heart has a arrow

It shows me...

Whether if I'm near someone I like

or not...

Whenever I'm near a senior I like

The arrow goes crazy...

Whenever I'm with a senior I don't like...

It stays quiet...

I saw seniors

The arrow goes crazy...

But when I look at myself in the mirror...

My heart will have a crack...

Its not that no one loves me...

Its just that...

No one wants to love me...

Its sad...

And painful...

That's why...

I always say I want to die

Does my heart even matter in this world??

Why am I even asking??

No one will answer anyway...

People don't like me

And they never will..

What's the use??

Die better than live...

If I'm dead... I'm happy

Even if I'm not in the real world anymore

I'm confused...

And sad...

The question now is,

What am I confused about??

What am I sad about??

What am I crying about??

These things won't be answered...

Even if I begged...

No one will answer

And no answer will come 

What am I even waiting for??

A godmother to help me??

I wish...

So,

What am I still waiting for??

Just stuck the knife into my heart!

What's the use of living,

When...

No one wants or will love you...

=(

Is It Really Gone??

Is it really gone??

The pain I once knew..

Has it returned??
Could it be??

I thought everything changed...

I was stupid...

Nothing changed at all

The only thing changed its that..

The suffering has gone worse

Parents not really love me

Brothers return and beat and bully me

Always scold me

Sister ignore and blame everything on me

Friends avoiding me

I feel lonely again

The happiness I felt...

Was just for a while

Not forever

Because life's not fair

It doesn't give what you want...

Now,

My question is...

Is the pain really gone??

Thinking about this makes me suffer

Because I want that happy feeling again...

Not a suffering feeling...

Warm

Not pain

My heart,

my head,

my body

everywhere....

Hurts deeply...

I want to cry it out...

But,

I can't...

Because crying no use

Crying won't let the suffering go away...

It will still stay

Let it go...

Let my happiness go is the best solution of all

Let others be happy

I give up

I don't want to talk about it anymore...

I will stay silent 

And smile fake

Because that is what I do

Actually,

That is what I have been doing

All this time

I have been wasting my time

Thinking that I could be happy

The only thing that is gone...

Is my happiness

Its back to my old life

Fake smiles
Fake laughs

Fake everything

Goodbye life...

I won't miss you anymore...

Tired

OMG! 

Yesterday felt so tired!

Don't know why actually...

I slept at tuition yesterday

 when teacher was teaching about Science...

Its not boring...

Its just that I'm tired

Before I knew it,

I accidentally slept in class...

Teacher called out my name,

Everyone looked at me... 

I wasn't sleeping anymore...

But I still felt tired...

I think I'm sick,

but nonsense!

Even if I'm sick,

I don't want to tell anyone

Cause I don't anyone to worry...

So,

I'm healthy!

I hope....

Its like hell,

Trying to wake up

When you're really sleepy!

So so tired.... Zzz

Its the first time I felt this,

My god...

I ran out of energy...

I still don't know why

But after a good night sleep,

I felt so good again...

She was right,

I need to rest...

Not too much stress...

=)

New Haircut~

Attention!!

I just got a new haircut~

Please do not be surprised

Because I look good and bad...

This is a short post...

But I hope you like it!

(Before)

This is me... Few weeks ago... XD

(Before)

This is me... Few days ago... So nervous,leh??

(Before)

This was just before the haircut... 

Before I went into the car...

(After)

Ta-Da~

Nice ma?? 

I know its a little boyish..

But I love it!

Do I look different?

(After)

I am good-looking

How do I look~?

Do I look hot?

Or cool?

XD

(After)

This is a closer view of my face and my hair... XD

I know I'm handsome~

Thank you for reading~ ♥

Dying

I always dreamt of being dead...

And I wanted the most was that

I died....

But no one feels sad...

I want to pass away without pain or suffer...

I just want to lie down...

Close my eyes...

And never open them...

Unless I'm at heaven

Instead of dying with pain...

I want to die without feeling

The best part of me being dead 

is that I want everyone to smile happily 

when they see me...

I don't want tears to drop...

I don't frowns to come out...

And I don't want anyone sad...

Because the last I'm going to be here,

I want people to laugh,

Smile,

Play,

And be happy..

On my funeral,

I want smiles to be around me

Laughter to fill my soul

And happiness to go around... 

Because I want smiles to be with them

No tears...

No frowns...

Just wide and warm smiles

to be around...

As I want to say is

that the day I die,

will be the happiest thing that happen

I don't want people to start crying...

Making that hear-breaking sound of crying...

Instead of crying...I want laughing

Instead of tears... I want smiles

Instead being sad... I want happiness

And instead of being alive... I want to be dead

So,

I want everyone to smile...

Because you have a very short life.

Why cry,frown or suffer?

When you can smile,laugh and be happy...

If you frown,

Won't you make others frown too?

So give a big smile,

And maybe,

Others will smile for you...

Just smile...

Because smiles can make sadness...

Disappear...

So,

Smile ♥

Painful Memories

Haunting memories has return...

Please go away.

I beg of you...

I have suffered enough..

Leave me...

Let me be alone for once..

Please

Leave me now

And never come back

Let me live with my life like this

Don't come and ruin my happiness

I beg you

Please....

Let me be at peace...

The painful memories I have now

The painful memories I used to keep

The painful memories I liked to treasure

I don't need you anymore

I need new memories

And I want happy ones

Not sad ones

As for the old painful memories...

I don't need you anymore...

As I am going to make new ones

I have a great life now

More friends,

more happiness,

more true smiles,

more knowing me better,

But,

less loneliness...

Because the past is gone

and the future is here

Only my painful ones... Not my happy ones

After this cruel memory

is seen and said,

erase these thoughts

from my

heart and my head...

All I need and want are my friends and family

I don't need painful memories and loneliness anymore

As I have them in my life,

I don't need those things

Thank you for waking me up my friends

My life was dull

Now its colourful

The last thing I need is...

To throw all those painful memories away

Into the rubbish bin

Which used to have my heart and soul there

Because they wake me up...

I have escaped the devil's world

And entered to a new world

I am going to begin a new life

With happy memories

NOT sad ones

Because,

 as long as I have my friends and family...

I can never be lonely...

Please stay by my side...

And don't leave me...

=)

I know you won't

Cause I'm your friend now

And you are my friend too

Thank you for giving me a life

and new memories to make

=)

Seniors = (

Some seniors can be... The worst...

They are just so mean towards juniors...

Especially some of the form 4 or 5

Just want attention from the form 1

I hate prefect the most!

Especially the senior prefects!

They think they are perfect and beautiful...

Puii!

Please la?

Take a good look in the mirror

The nice seniors are way better

Even if some of them are not pretty...

SO WHAT?!

At least they are better than those bullies!

I like form 2...

They treat me nice...=)

But some of them scared me cause...

 I have Qiu Ling as my sister

So sad... But nvm...

Because at least some of them friend me

If those got attitude de...

Sorry!

Your friendship totally not accepted

Because I rather have no friends at all

Then become friends with someone like you!

Well,for all the damn seniors who are the worst...

Sorry but I have to tell you,

There is no such thing as perfection,ok??

So don't think you are perfect just because you think you are!

Yeah!

I felt so good by just typing that

So what if I'm a nobody??

If I'm a nobody doesn't mean you are a somebody!

For all the god damn bully seniors out there,

Mind your own business!

You don't have the right to bully people!

I hate the seniors 

who actually judge people by the way they

 look,

dress,

talk,

smile,

and their popularity

Some of the seniors use juniors to become popular

What the?!

I hate the seniors at my school who are mean

I hope they change!

Damn!

I hate bad seniors!

I like good seniors~!

= )

Far Apart

We were so close... In fact,we were close as sisters....

I promised I won't leave you...

You promised you won't leave me too

But you seemed so far away now...

We were so close to each other...

But in my heart,

We are far far apart from each other...

I know that... 

But do you??

As each day passed...

The distance between us become bigger...

What is really happening??

Do you know that we are far apart from each other??

We are this close...

But our heart are far apart...

Very far

As I reached my hand to grab yours...

I can't

Because you are too far apart from me...

I run towards you

But you were too fast for me to catch...

I ran and ran...

But I just couldn't reach for you

You were too far in front of me...

Although I ran as fast as I could...

I ended up falling down to the cold,dirty and hard ground

I lie down...

Trying to get up...

But didn't had the energy to get up...

You say that it is going to be all right...

But why I feel so unsafe now??

You are just too far away 

But no matter what happens...

I won't give up on you...

As you haven't give up on me...

I trust you now and I will forever...

I give you my trust

So don't betray me like all the others

But I know you won't

Because you are not that kind of person...

Ily 

♥

 

And I always will